San Francisco ~ Home to Satan and “The Pisser” Alike

A Travel Commentary From The Journal of Chris Goldman ("The Usher of Vacancy"):

Mark Twain once proclaimed that the coldest winter he ever endured was the summer he spent in San Francisco. A truer statement I have yet to hear. San Francisco is not visited, it is an all encumbering sense-binding experience that is succumb to. The city floats delicately in the vacate medium between cold stone reality and the synapse-seizing labyrinth where even the most adventurous dare not travel. Magnetism is at the core of San Francisco and its force pulls unabated nor deterred by the polarizing dialectic de jour. This social peeving is reduced in significance to the status of a mora.

CHRIS GOLDMAN PROVIDES THE BUTTER IF YOU HAVE THE BREAD – San Francisco is home to both Michael Savage (current president of the Southern Poverty Law Center) and his political foe, "The Pisser" [BELOW - recent photo of the celebrated sixties beatnik - "The Pisser"]

~ The Sepia Mistress is as Beautiful as she is Mysterious ~

 

(above) This rare and proprietary footage of the ever reclusive "Pisser" has been graciously borrowed from www.tenderloin.net but turned into a performance piece by www.set2stun.com

By Chris Goldman ~ Harvester of the Shores Sota

Don’t taze me bro and don’t steel my shit ~ by which I mean copying my written/typed words and passing them off as your own insane delusions ~ This Includes You, Ever Quotable Senator Bidden. Chris Goldman has taken the time to graciously articulate his thoughts and I suggest you do the same. JUST A THOUGHT

America’s Stolen Iowa Hopefuls

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Written by Chris Goldman

Chris Goldman Puts it All Together (and we owe him our thanks): Like many conscientious Americans I too share in Thomas Jefferson’s Republican Vision of Property and its emphasis on the individual’s civic obligation to actively participate in the Democratic process. It, therefore, goes without saying that I was deeply concerned to learn last Friday that two political heavyweights had been barred from contesting in the highly anticipated 2:00PM (EST) (is this the new Prime Time?) Democratic Primary Debate hosted in Iowa. The two silenced politicians were none other than Dennis Kucinich and his equally charismatic counterpart Alan Keyes. Based on information I received from one of my deeply entrenched and consummately reliable cogs in the Democratic Party wheel, I was able to assemble the subversive motivation for this entirely un-American censorship. CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH? (above) Dennis Kucinich is the Paris Hilton of fig newtons. This man is backed by the enormous coffers of the Keebler dynasty. The image on the right is Dennis’s father and mentor, Ernie Kucinich – see the resemblance? (above) Alan Keyes’ resume is, quite frankly, terrifying. The documentary, The Serpent and the Rainbow, captured rare footage (right) of Mr. Keyes during his tenor as a Caribbean warlord. THE TRUTH – HERE GOES: The plot to silence Kucinich and Keyes was conceived months ago by the most powerful of Democratic Party loyalists. These conspirators hover above the garden variety, hatching their schemes and reweaving the very fabric of our system from their protected perches on K Street and, in this particular instance, from the civic halls of San Francisco. These men, as they were, heeded the bellwethers that predicted a Kucinich primary landslide with a likely running mate in Alan Keyes. They could not let this happen. While unconfirmed, rumor is that Gavin Newsom of SF could not stomach the thought of the son of the calorically tainted Keebler dynasty and his corrupt ex-Haitian dictator sidekick ruling the Country from a large oak tree on Pennsylvania Avenue. Newsom with the help of his cohorts, allegedly, pulled strings with the Iowa bouncer’s union and had Kucinich and Keyes’ planes rerouted to Texas, where the two men, in confusion, gave career capping speeches to a little league assembly. The staff at www.set2stun.com will keep you updated on the political fallout that is sure to, well, follow? ~CoCoDAAS ~

Irish Performance Piece ~ Westside Story with a Fiddle

A One Act By Chris Goldman [SCENE 8] ~ ROLL’EM

The Role of “Nancy Bailey” will be played by Nancy Goldman

“Its way too tempting . . . I’m knocking this thing over . . . we’re goin’ out the back tonight fancy boy. . . pull up those floppy cardigan sleeves ’cause you’re hangin’ with Irish blood tonight . . . hands will get dirty . . . . . . what you are about to witness is what my family likes to call a ‘Performance Piece’. . .the rich folks here actually buy this crap? [short time gap] . . . no, we don’t belong to this club . . . that was my dad who parked your car . . . [short time gap] . . . honey, I could get into this art stuff if it’s all like this little beauty that’s sitting in the eye of my Irish hurricane nightmare . . . damn it . . . I’m hearing those voices – the fun ones – the ones of my ancestry and I will obey . . . I must break this Tantalus Rouse . . . it is our way . . . your family is a patron to the arts and mine just enjoys breaking it . . . promise to bail me out ’cause you got me into this mess . . . you put this Million Dollar Teeter Totter in front of me . . . see you at the third precinct . . . oh yeah, I remembered my compact . . . I refuse to sit for another mug shot without proper lighting and my concealer . . . I cried for a week after I saw my last mug shot on TV . . . my parents were so proud but I thought I looked fat . . . they still have my intake papers on the fridge . . . anyway . . . bid farewell to this thing because in two seconds it enters the art afterlife . . . see ya’ later and remember to thank your grandparents for the invite . . . oh and tip my dad this time”

WANT MORE? GO HERE: WWW.SET2STUN.COM

Geeks On A Mission = DEMOCRACY & WORLD PEACE

Chris Goldman writes:

Support Nicholas Negroponte’s One Laptop Per Child project and witness Democracy selling itself. The OLPC project is a testament to what geeks on a mission can accomplish. This revolutionary undertaking has spawned a tool powerful enough to deliver the World from tyranny and subjugation – a $100 laptop – in the hands of the millions who have been denied Truth. “Sunlight is said to be the best of disinfectants; electric light the most efficient policeman.” Louis Brandeis. (Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis, the brave dissenter in Olmstead v. United States, can be credited for tangibly delivering the Civil Liberties that prior to which had been merely advertised on the front page of the Constitution.). ©www.set2stun.com®

Wanna See Something Really Scary??

Chris Goldman says “Hi People,”

NOTE: This entry is a bit belated (by about 2 weeks) but I have been extremely busy. I am writing this one from the road. Nothing better to do than write when stuck in a que. So anyway, here goes . . .

Had a mole removed from my ear and it took 2 stitches to close the wound. Not to gross anyone out but you would not believe the size of the flesh and tissue that the doctor so delicately carved out of my ear. It was so big that I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out to have its own inner-dialogue. Wouldn’t it be crazy if in some weird parallel universe my mole is blogging about having me removed from its ass? This mole appeared to have a nice blood supply and it took much better care of itself than I do. I mean, at least the mole was growing . . . I certainly am not. I guess the mole eats properly and exercises. Thats all I can think of. I kind of miss it now. I hope the mole can finally find peace and maybe start a family of its own. Let me know what you think?

Go On and Let Your Soul Glow

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Chris Goldman is a Projectile Vomiter of the English Language . . .

Chris Goldman on the English Language:

The English language is a powerful force.  Among its legion of words is a selection that powerfully conveys beauty.  A word, such as “azure,” evokes a powerful mental connection to the metaphysical Form of beauty.  Such a connection can be physically as well as mentally experienced.

But, just as there are words that evoke cognitions of beauty, there are words that can evoke cognitions of “Redneck” (of course we are speaking of Descartes’ Form of “Redneck”).  I have decided to begin listing these words in this blog and I will add more as time goes on.  Suffice it to say, if you are using these words, please limit their utterances to occasions when you are at the go-cart track or Sizzler. Here they are:

• 
  

  phenomenal

  
  
• 
  

  Nietzsche

  
  
• 
  

  realist

  
  
• 
  

  actuality

  
  
• 
  

  discombobulated

• 
  

  plethora

• 
  

  Kogod [just kidding - that's my middle name - ha ha ha]

 

NOTE TO READER - these words annoy the Hell out of the author.  Please do not utter them within striking distance of said author.  Chris Goldman is a projectile vomiter, so a distance of 9 feet is mandatory.

POWDERED SOUP SUCKS ASS – DEMAND YOUR VEGETABLES . . . Chris says . . .

Chris Goldman on the topic of "Learning":

I have learned that the most expedient way to learn nothing about a subject is to take a course in it. While I am a fan of the Socratic method, or any other teaching aid that involves pain or instills fear, I no longer endorse "First Class Academics." I equate, for example, taking a course in writing to attending an IMAX presentation of Life in Antarctica or embarking on a cruise ship voyage through Alaska. The problem with the traditional scholastic approach is that it removes from learning the valuable lessons learned from "errors." Without PAIN and ERROR, knowledge is not retained and "next-steps" are not sought. Error is the cream, the Gee, of learning. It is through trial and error that one breaks learning through the rote stage and into the more advanced instinct tier. Error produces valuable cognitive connections that make other subjects easier to learn. It still baffles my mind why high schools and colleges insist on a textbook, rather than clinical, approach to learning. Textbooks steal the valuable errors from their students and feed them, instead, a watered down summary of thought.

Take my word for it, POWDERED SOUP SUCKS – DEMAND YOUR VEGETABLES! Anomalies are like restore points in the Windows operating system. They are thumb tacks indicating where the path can be rejoined. Upon leaving, head on over to the WWW.SET2STUN.COM SOUP KITCHEN = we don’t skimp on ingredients!!

Question For Editor – Is Botulism Covered Under Our Plan?

Chris “Puking” Goldman Writes (a MySpace Exclusive):

Came down with a touch of botulism at exactly 2:30 PM Monday afternoon. Dumb ass me was cleaning out his van when he found a can of Campbell’s soup wedged into the door panel [NOTE TO READER – I own a work van so there is no leather upholstery to prevent matter in motion, such as a soup can, from entering its many crevices]. So back to the story . . . Not only was I in a cleaning mood but I was also extremely hungry . . . so hungry, in fact, that a can of Ford Econoline soup looked mighty tempting [and there was nothing else in the house to eat]. So putting two and five together, I microwaved up the bounty and slurped it down in pure blue collar fashion. REAL BAD IDEA!!!!

. . . . . . More to Story . . . . More to Story . . . . More To Story . . . . .

[and to my overly sympathetic editor who publishes the syndicated version of this crap – I extend the following message]

“So sorry Miss Editor for not meeting your f@*^ing deadline – I soooooo tried to fit my witty commentary into my otherwise schedule of medieval delusions, projectile vomiting and tripping over my cat. By the way, does this count as a sick day? Yeah – fire me – oh . . . ha ha ha, try to replace me with one of your other suck ass writers . . . you suck too!!!! Also, your boss loves me and my writing and I still have a job and I am going to write a song about it and I am going to upload it to youtube and your kids will probably play it around the clock and your sister will fall in love with me but I have a girlfriend so she will be in dismay and whatever Dante has in store”

Love Always

( : Chris “Puking” Goldmnan

I LUV EVA [and Little Wing] – Another Drunk Serenade

I am drunk and I can’t wait to see you next week. LUV YA’ EVA!!! And my crappy video that cuts-out half way through is proof in the pudding. I am the BEST BOYFRIEND EVA’ . . EVA (hey that more than rhymes)